Between Expectation and Realization
REPOST: September 9th, 2015
“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”
Carl Jung
The gap between where we are and where we want to be
Out of all of the possible qualities we can cultivate in the practice of yoga, one of the most important is that of patience. Patience is the willingness to endure, wholeheartedly, for that which we seek. It is an act of forbearance bound to the belief that someone or something is looking out for us. Patience is a skill scrutinized in a society of instant gratification. We are conditioned to get what we want, when we want it.
Only in the space of patience can we see things as they are because we create a gap between expectation and realization. This isn’t an act of delusion or make believe. It is a place of honesty where both fear and joy and coexist. The word in Pali for patience is kshanti. The Mahayana sutras describe three dimensions to kshanti. These are the ability to endure personal hardship; patience with others; and acceptance of truth.
Often, enduring hardship is the easiest of the forms. Enduring physical or mental pain, although challenging at first, are usually the easiest to overcome. The body and mind have built in mechanisms to numb themselves to pain. In asana practice for example, we see many students willing to bear down on discomfort for the sake of the practice. They are so fixed on the outcome that the mental willpower can almost dissolve the body. Advanced asana can be a way of cultivating training in this form of patience.
The second form of patience, is tolerance of others. This is often much more challenging of a feat. Patience in this form means the radical understanding of our non separateness; of seeing yourself and the good in others. Locating the good in other people, no matter what the circumstance, is one of the hardest lessons we can learn. It is very common in the yoga community to be drawn to a certain teacher or style of teaching. Anything outside of that box becomes a threat. Tolerance of others means stripping that line of separation.
The final form of patience is accepting truth. Accepting truth is the thread that makes the first two possible. Accepting truth is the acknowledgment that no matter what we do or how we act, this life is not entirely in our hands. There are limitations. We can’t always get what we want. Change is constant. Sometimes we will struggle to succeed, only to fall on our face. Accepting truth is recognition that there is something more to us then how we identify with ourselves. This is not easy because we want to believe that we own this body and this mind. Classical yoga speaks reverently on the ashrama-s, which are the stages of life, acknowledging the changes that are forever present. The teachings emphasize adaptations of the practice to support age and health. Unfortunately in the West we deny this truth and battle to hide this inevitable fact. Accepting truth is not giving up - it is seeing the boundless grace of this life.
Although kshanti is considered a perfection in the Buddhist tradition, it is an ongoing process of learning. Spend some time everyday working on forbearance with both yourself and others. Notice how the subtlest of shifts can make a world of difference and don't be afraid to fail. We are only human to it is important to stay patiently, patient.